Navigating the complex interplay of stress and trauma in our daily lives can feel like an overwhelming challenge. We often find ourselves reacting in ways we don’t understand, feeling a disconnect from our own emotions and those of the people around us. However, understanding the root of these behaviors is the first step toward a more engaged and productive life.
The Impact of Stress and Trauma
Stress and trauma are universal human experiences. As professional speaker Vanessa McNeal explains, this adaptation can cause our nervous systems to “calcify” around these experiences, creating ingrained response systems.
“Whether it’s a major life event or a series of smaller, consistent pressures, everyone’s nervous system adapts to cope. These aren’t necessarily positive or negative; they are simply the ways our bodies and minds have learned to protect us from further pain. The problem is that these responses can lead to behaviors we dislike and a general feeling of emotional and mental discomfort.”
McNeal’s work, which specializes in trauma-informed care, focuses on helping people identify the role that stress, and trauma play in their lives.
“While we can’t change the past, we can certainly change how we respond to it in the future. By shifting our perspective, we can cultivate more compassion for ourselves and others. When a coworker or partner overreacts, it’s often not because they are a ‘bad person,’ but because their nervous system is trying to protect them based on past pain. By understanding this, we can foster better and more meaningful conversations.”
The Power of Naming Our Emotions
McNeal notes a key strategy for managing stress and trauma is a concept often associated with mindfulness: naming your emotions.
“The elephant in the room diffuses the charge. When we can identify and name our feelings, traumas, or inner belief systems, we diminish their power over us. The challenge is that many people lack the language to articulate what they’re feeling, why they’re feeling it, and what they can do about it. Building this vocabulary collectively is crucial for helping people understand their emotions and create a better life for themselves.”
In her work with audiences across the country, McNeal has found the most surprising commonality to be the shared experiences of fear, uncertainty, and disconnection.
“Despite our different backgrounds, jobs, and points of view, these universal truths connect us all. Because we don’t have these conversations often enough, we don’t realize how much we have in common.”
Practical Techniques for Relief and Recovery
So, what can we do to deal with the stresses in our lives? McNeal suggests a two-step approach.
“The first and most crucial step is to pinpoint exactly what is causing your stress. This might involve a form of ‘time travel,’ reflecting on past trauma and how it has shaped your current habits and belief systems. Even if your present life is vastly different from your past, you carry those old patterns with you. The second step is to build your capacity to handle stress, not just relieve it. Stress is an unavoidable part of life, so our goal should be to strengthen our ability to recover from it.”
The Importance of Psychological Safety
When it comes to building a support system, many people feel they have nobody to turn to. McNeal suggests that professional therapy is a great first step.
“Therapy provides a neutral and safe space to express yourself and your experiences without judgment. This idea of psychological safety is a cornerstone of my philosophy. Our nervous systems perceive the world through the lens of either safety or danger. Psychological safety is about feeling mentally secure with others, whether it’s in a conversation with a coworker, a partner, or even with yourself. It also encompasses emotional safety—the ability to have a difficult conversation without fear.”
Final Takeaway
Ultimately, McNeal’s key takeaway for many people is a profound sense of relief.
“People realize they aren’t doing anything wrong and aren’t ‘bad’ for feeling stressed. Stress is a normal part of life, but knowing you have the power to change your response systems is a liberating realization. This understanding empowers people to not just survive, but to thrive and become more engaged in their work and their lives.”
For more information about Vanessa McNeal and her work as a speaker and life coach, visit vanessamcneal.com.